Oh, the life of a telemarketer

For the past five weeks I've been working as a telemarketer for a new country club up in Park City, UT. I actually work from a call center in Provo. My job is to call people and set up free tours so the resort can have an opportunity to make a sales pitch. Of course, people aren't just going to go up there out of the goodness of their hearts, so we offer them about $100 worth of gift certificates.

It's a complicated thing, telemarketing. I would have thought people would be jumping at the opportunity to get something for nothing, but most people are distrusting. The trick isn't to "sell" the free item to them. The trick is to sell the benefits of that item. It's the difference between saying, "We'll give you $100 worth of gift certificates," and "We'll give you and your wife a wonderful romantic night out on the town with $100 worth of gift certificates."

The sales are actually made when the customer realizes the benefits. In order to do this effectively I have to have an upbeat tone, remain positive, and pretend like I actually care whether or not this person comes up to the resort, even after talking to 150 people who turned me down.

Sometimes the customer ends up being the better salesperson, and instead of me conveying my positive attitude on them, and getting them excited about the event, they convey their negative attitude on me. Here are a few examples:

Ben: "Hello, could I speak to Don please?"
Unknown grumpy female: "No. Take me off your calling list?"
B: "What list?"
UGF: "Who is this?"
B: "This is Ben. Can I speak to Don?"
UGF: "He wouldn't be interested."
B: "Interested in what? I just want to speak to Don?"
UGF: "How do you know him?"
B: "Does it matter? Can I speak to him or not?"
UGF: "He's not available right now."
B: "Fine"
::click::

Just to clarify, that's me that does the first ::click::. It's really not my fault. Sometimes the customers sell me on their negative attitude better than I sell them on my positive. These are all real-life examples, by the way. Here's another one:

...in the middle of the conversation...
Grunting Man: "I'm not interested."
Ben: "What about this doesn't interest you?"
GM: "I'm just not interested."
Ben: "What in particular doesn't interest you?"
GM: "I'm just not interested."
Ben: "There has to be something that doesn't interest you."
GM: "No."
Ben: "Come on. I can work with you to get around it."
GM: "Look, I just don't have the time."
Ben: "Ok, let's set you up for a few weeks out so you can schedule it in."
GM: "I won't have time then."
Ben: "When will you have time?"
GM: "Probably not until next spring."
Ben: "Are you telling me you don't have an hour and a half sometime in the next five months that you could come up here?"
GM: "Uh, huh."
Ben: "Alright, talk to you later."
::click::
Ben: "Jerk."

Aggravating, isn't it? It's really enough to make a grown man want to commit some serious crimes. Maybe that's why I'm not cut out for it. Maybe that's why I'm quitting in six days.