"Oh where, oh where, can my lost pens be? Somebody took them away from me..."
Do you ever wish you could get some answers to some of life’s really daunting questions? Questions like, “why on earth would you want a solar-powered flashlight”, and “who in their right mind created the show TeleTubbies?” and perhaps the most daunting of all, “If everyone is always loosing their pen, and no one is ever finding one, where have all the lost pens gone?”
Seriously, this is no joking issue. Have you ever stopped to think about it? I mean, I have probably found one new pen in the last six months. This hardly makes up for the fact that I have lost about sixteen. Where have all these pens gone? Is there some lucky person—some lucky BYU student—that is hoarding all the lost pens on campus?
Or is there a humongous pit somewhere in southern Utah where all the lost pens have ended up. Well, the last idea isn’t very plausible, but it’s a lot more fun to think about. Obviously these pens don’t just sprout legs and walk away (or do they? Maybe they get sick of being tossed around in backpacks, dropped onto the floor, overused…or underused. If I was being treated like pen, I would sprout legs and walk away.)
There’s always the less-likely possibility that there is a pen master-mind out there, a pen fiend if you will, that is secretly collecting the earth’s supply of pens and plotting some scheme to take over the world by exploding them all at once, covering the earth with a plethora of ink and thereby blotting out all great written documents worldwide. Of course then the only reasonable solution would be to turn to this would-be mastermind for all guidance and direction in everything we do…forever.
Didn’t think the lost pen crisis was so important to your every-day life, did you?
So maybe you don’t buy into the cataclysmic ink escapade that will spell this world’s doom. Surely you’d like to find this stash of pens, wouldn’t you? Even if it wasn’t to save the world single-handedly? While people are out searching for the Holy Grail, the Ark of the Covenant, and the Lost City of Atlantis, they’re missing out on the bigger opportunities for wealth. If you’re losing a pen every week, and that pen is worth $1.24, that’s $4.96 a month, which is $59.52 a year, which is $4761.60 in a lifetime.
Yeah, now you’re paying attention. Come on Indiana Jones, lay aside that hat and whip and grab a BiC; it’ll be worth more to you than that Holy Grail ever will.
Seriously, this is no joking issue. Have you ever stopped to think about it? I mean, I have probably found one new pen in the last six months. This hardly makes up for the fact that I have lost about sixteen. Where have all these pens gone? Is there some lucky person—some lucky BYU student—that is hoarding all the lost pens on campus?
Or is there a humongous pit somewhere in southern Utah where all the lost pens have ended up. Well, the last idea isn’t very plausible, but it’s a lot more fun to think about. Obviously these pens don’t just sprout legs and walk away (or do they? Maybe they get sick of being tossed around in backpacks, dropped onto the floor, overused…or underused. If I was being treated like pen, I would sprout legs and walk away.)
There’s always the less-likely possibility that there is a pen master-mind out there, a pen fiend if you will, that is secretly collecting the earth’s supply of pens and plotting some scheme to take over the world by exploding them all at once, covering the earth with a plethora of ink and thereby blotting out all great written documents worldwide. Of course then the only reasonable solution would be to turn to this would-be mastermind for all guidance and direction in everything we do…forever.
Didn’t think the lost pen crisis was so important to your every-day life, did you?
So maybe you don’t buy into the cataclysmic ink escapade that will spell this world’s doom. Surely you’d like to find this stash of pens, wouldn’t you? Even if it wasn’t to save the world single-handedly? While people are out searching for the Holy Grail, the Ark of the Covenant, and the Lost City of Atlantis, they’re missing out on the bigger opportunities for wealth. If you’re losing a pen every week, and that pen is worth $1.24, that’s $4.96 a month, which is $59.52 a year, which is $4761.60 in a lifetime.
Yeah, now you’re paying attention. Come on Indiana Jones, lay aside that hat and whip and grab a BiC; it’ll be worth more to you than that Holy Grail ever will.
posted by Ben Smith | 1:42 PM
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